Saturday, February 27, 2021

I'm Pretty Sure Our Cat is Broken

The longer he lives with us, the more convinced I am that Taro doesn't know how to cat. Exhibit A:

Almost a perfect square.

This perfectly cleared square results from the assiduous work of one gray cat. He will NOT take care of his business unless he can place it on a perfectly clear, seemingly measured square space. We all know when Taro is about to use the litter box because it takes time and persistence for him to create his ideal conditions. We also know exactly how his digestive track is working because once he deposits his goods there, he leaves them completely uncovered for the world to see. I'm pretty sure our cat is broken.

Taro's favorite bath mat.

Taro sometimes confuses various geometrical objects for his litter box, too, which is surprising given how careful he is with the perfect square he clears. So far, he has used cushions, bathmats, and even bean bag chairs. There was also the unfortunate incident with the pea pod--do you know how hard it is to convince our kids to self-soothe in there now that they know what Taro did?! And, whatever you do, DO NOT leave an empty box lying around. Sure, there are all of those funny memes and videos of cats squeezing themselves cutely into boxes. That's not what Taro does when he sees one. And, I can't decide if it's good or bad that he only does these things intermittently. Either way, he just does it often enough that he's convinced us we don't really need bean bag chairs anymore. Seriously, he seems to be broken.

The pea pod always gets stored on its side now.

Do you want to play with Taro? Sure. Go ahead! It will be all fun and games until he forgets that you are not a mouse and scratches and bites you. But, if you actually want him to catch a mouse? Then, he will just sit and stare at it, and you will have to rely on the slowed reflexes of your spouse who can barely bend over thanks to all of the back surgeries. Seriously, the cat is broken. Look at his lightning fast reflexes:


My favorite part about our broken cat is his absolute obsession with Nerf bullets. Most of our Nerf bullets look like this. 


And, he's a huge fan of decapitating them.

He likes to chase and then chew up the little yellow balls used in the Rival guns, too.

We keep the Nerf bullets put away, but he has figured out where they're hidden and will boldly walk into Sky's room (even if Sky's in there studying), slip into the closet, and dig through the 30-gallon box of Nerf stuff until he finds what he needs. He still can't catch a mouse, though.

All I can say is that it's a good thing this cat is cute.

Photo edit by Stow



3 comments:

Stephanie said...

Taro us Molly's soulmate! Our puppy will chew the heck out of a Nerf bullet if she finds one lying around.

Stephanie said...

Taro us Molly's soulmate! Our puppy will chew the heck out of a Nerf bullet if she finds one lying around.

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