Monday, February 4, 2013

Your Perfect Child

I shouldn't care. I know I shouldn't care. 

I know your closed-mindedness and hyper-narrow world view say more about you than they do about me or my kid. I know your choice to ignore me when I say "hello"--even though our kids go to the same school and participate in some of the same extracurricular activities--is immature and not even worth the energy it takes me to wonder about it. I know that what you say to others about my kid's behavior and my presumed failures as a parent reflects your ignorance about autism and special needs parenting. I know that your sense of religious superiority indicates a grave lack of understanding of grace and much of what Christianity represents. 

I know all these things.

And, I know I shouldn't care. 

But, I still do.

I care because it's not just about you and me. It's about how you treat my kid and kids like him when you volunteer at school or chaperone a field trip. 

I care because I know you are passing your ignorance and self righteousness on to your perfect children. You are teaching them to be unaccepting of those who are not like them. You are teaching them that it's okay to treat others as "less than" and to judge and look down on them. 

I care because some days your close-mindedness makes me want to pray that God would bless you with a son who has autism or ADHD. And then I feel guilty. 

I care because I realize there are so many more people like you out there, and it scares me to think of what people like you might do to kids like Sky.  

I care because life is too short to have to worry about people like you.

There are days, especially the really hard ones (like today), when the baby is sick and Sky is in permanent impulsive meltdown mode, when I wish I could have perfect kids like you think you do.  

And then I remember that I have something much better.  I have kids who are compassionate,  kind,  and curious. 

I have kids who understand that no one is perfect but that the imperfections are where we find grace and strength and joy and hope.

And I'd say that makes me pretty darn lucky--maybe even luckier than you. 


Mama D said...

I hear you. I've had so many thoughts like this. And what you know is correct. It really is. Someone like that should never have a spectrum/ADHD child, for the sake of the poor child (can you imagine how he or she would be treated??), but wouldn't it be fun to watch the comeuppance?? Some people are just miserable excuses for human beings.

Actually got to watch a different sort of comeuppance a while back. It was beautiful. A "friend" had a daughter about the same age as my eldest son, who is neurotypical but a classic energetic boy. She was beyond judgmental about why I couldn't control my son when her perfect daughter was always so well-behaved. Then she had a boy herself, and how I laughed...not kind of me, but she had that coming, and she eventually figured things out.

Kim Phillips said...

Well said !! Would you believe one of the Mothers of a spec-ed child acts this way ! My son (ASD) and her (ASD)daughter are school husband and wife, they've been in class together for 6 yrs and they bicker and pick and get on each others nerves, but they also help each other, have each others back. (hence the Husband and Wife team lol) This woman turns her nose up and will not say hello, she also lives next door to a good friend of mine, they say she is like that with everyone ! WHY? Luckily I met her husband several times at school functions and field trips and he is the nicest most caring individual you ever want to meet. This is also a perfect way to describe his daughter, I just love her. They have 5 kids and only the one is ASD, I can't figure her out, and gave up trying. So now I make sure I say "HI!" with a big smile and always say something nice to her daughter,the Mother never responds in fact glares at me, but I know I'm doing the right thing !! NAH I just do it to pluck her nerves ! So roll your eyes and turn the other way when you see us coming but your daughter likes us !! If I can make a difference in her life I will !! :)