Wednesday, May 16, 2012

Becoming Dr. Seuss

The day before the defense? A combination of euphoria and sheer terror. What if I fail? That's, of course, the biggest fear. But there are others--what will I do with myself once this long ordeal is finally over? What moments in the life of my family have I missed never to regain? Was it worth it?

And the euphoria? To be honest, I can't imagine ever being free of this weight on my shoulders. The weight of years of revising and feeling like I am so close only to have the goal line moved further out of reach. In the final moments of preparation, when I feel like I am probably as ready as I will ever be, I allow the thought of successfully defending to slip into my subconsciousness, and I am briefly giddy. Just briefly.

*****

The consuming thought, as I walked back to the hotel after the defense? "When I woke up, I was not a doctor, but now I am."

It really does seem pretty arbitrary.

*****

After I finished, I called my folks to let them know. Needless to say, they were very excited and their enthusiasm elicited immediate curiosity from Pink P and Sky (who did not make the trip with Ren, Stow, and I back to campus). Pink P wrestled the phone from Grandma first.

Pink P: What happened, Mommy?

Me: I finished my big paper.

Pink P: What did you say?

Me: I said, I finished my big paper.

Pink P: What did you say?

Me: I finished.

Pink P: What did you say?

Me: I SAID, I FINISHED.

Pink P: What did you say?

Me: Put Sky on the phone.

(brief pause)

Sky: Hi, Mom.

Me: GUESS WHAT?!?!!

Sky (totally unimpressed and slightly exasperated--imagine him sighing sarcastically like a tween with major attitude):
I know. You're a doctor.

*****

Months earlier, I tried to explain why I was so busy:

Me: Mommy's writing a big paper and when I'm done, I'll be a doctor.

Sky (obviously impressed): You're going to be a DOCTOR?!?!

Me: Yup. But, not like Dr. Lee who helps you when you are sick. I'll be a doctor who teaches people and doesn't give them shots.

Sky (after pausing thoughtfully): So, you mean like Dr. Seuss.


Um, yeah, I guess I do.

6 comments:

FMBMC said...

Congratulations! I am so happy for you! Let me know when graduation is so I can be there for you.

Dr. Seuss. Snort! Sky is awesome.

Mama Melch said...

I may explain finishing my own PhD to my kids that way. Congratulations on finishing. Looking forward to reading about what's next. :-)

Sandra Timmerman said...

Congratulations! Finally this chapter of your life is done :-) Time to say hello to the new one.

kuri, ping & the pinglet said...

Congratulations!! Love Skye's comment about Dr. Seuss. :) You're in good company, then, I guess!

Amber - Crappy Mama said...

Congrats, and yes... kids do not make the best and most enthusiastic audience, huh. LOL

Mom on the Edge said...

No, no, they don't! I couldn't even get them to call me doctor. Not even once!