Friday, February 3, 2012

Phalluses and Other Inappropriate Symbolism

So the "Phallus" story reminded me of all the times FB friends have asked me to compile some of the kids' famous quotes. Seems like this is as good a time as any. Here are a few:


"Dear Godsus..." (this is how he starts all prayers)

Sleeping Beauty is a wonderful name. "Awake Beauty" is not.

"'C' comes after 'D' [in the alphabet], just like dogs chase cats. See? 'D' follows 'C'!"

Sky: "Mommy, you know how the TV in the TV can see you just like you can see the TV? I forgot and walked past it in my underwear." Being the always alert and attentive mom, I replied: "It's okay as long as you were walking fast."

At 6 a.m. one foggy freezing-rain-and-snow morning in January, Sky informed me, "Mommy, sunscreen keeps you from getting a sunburn."

Overheard in the toy department, "Dear Santa Godsus, please make this toy for me when I am six."

I was trying to have a serious conversation with Sky when, out of the blue, he informed me, "Mommy, I'm a boy so I don't have to wear girl pants." It really does feel like I am talking to myself most of the time.

Sky’s bedtime comment: "I wish Jesus would change the world so that kids could watch as much TV as they want at night." When I pointed out that it wasn't Jesus but Mommy who made that rule, he said, "Well, then I wish Jesus would change Mommy!"

First thing this morning, while my eyes were still closed, Sky whispered in my ear, "Mommy, you can buy Pink P more clothes because she is getting bigger. And you can buy her skirts because I promise not to look under them."

"Mom, let me tell you something I know about kids..."

"Mom, can I eat an apple? I want my tooth to come out, but.....I also want to be healthy."

Sky's explanation of the word "kimono" when he was showing pictures of himself to his preschool friends: "That's the clothes they wear in Mommy and Daddy's TV show when people kill each other." So, to summarize, Kimono=Killing. So much for teaching 5 year-olds cultural awareness!

Maybe Catholic school is not the right choice for a little boy with an overactive imagination. Recently, he told his teacher: "Don't worry. When I am not listening to you, I am listening to the holy spirit."

"Mommy, people make shadows, not shade."

Sky: "Tonight when it's night-night time, can we try our new fireworks?"
Me: "Maybe."
Sky: "But, we have to create fire first." Followed immediately by, "Mom, when acorns get hot, do they make popcorn?"

Sky: Mom, I want to be a twin.
Me: It's too late now honey.
Sky: Why?
Me: Because you're five.
Sky: Jesus can help, I know he can.

I have been talking to Sky about not using descriptive words for people's body types. In particular, we have been trying to remove the word "fat" from his commonly-used vocabulary. So, this morning he says, "I wish you were a little more skinny, Mom. I don't like having a not-skinny Mom, but I really love you."

"Mom, last night I had a 'nightfair.' It was scary, but not scary, too."

Sky’s take on Star Wars: "Storm Jupiters" guard "Dark Raider" and "Y'obama" is a good guy.

Pink: Good night, Mommy.
Me: Good night, I love you!
Pink: I love you, too, Mommy.
Daddy: Night-night Pink P, I love you.
Pink: Shh! Daddy! It's night-night time.

Trying to watch the Florida/Butler game. Every time I say, "Go, Butler!" Both kids say, "Mommy, don't say 'butt!'" Hard to concentrate on the game....

"My mommy likes to park on the curb--sometimes with one wheel and sometimes with two!"

Sky's school essay: "The snake he said 1+0=1. Then he took 4 peesis of choklit. Then he said 2+2=4. Then he ate the 4 peesis of choklit. Then he said 100+100=200. Then he went to get food."

"I got it, Mommy!" After 45 minutes of patiently waiting and numerous failed attempts, Pink P caught the stray cat and excitedly brought it to me....holding it out to me by the base of its tail. Poor, poor kitty. It had no idea what it was up against, and the can of tuna I gave it as an act of reconciliation will probably never erase the trauma of facing off with my three year old.

Pink P: "Mommy, I'm making a princess for you. It's Sleeping Beauty. She's not dead."


Aletha Stahl said...

Thanx. Hope you're sleeping now!

Amanda @ Gratefully Growing in Grace said...

These are awesome! I love all the sweet references to Jesus!

FMBMC said...

After a long evening trying to get L to eat dinner, we finally hear why he won't eat: "Because Jesus lives in my heart and if I swallow food it will bump into him."

After L's very lengthy explanation of his painting of Jesus calming the storm (I stopped listening to every word after I failed to convince him the apostles did not drown):
Me: That's nice.
L: No it's not! It's terrible. And the worst part? Jesus got his hair wet!

R has lately been obsessed with being a mommy, much to her daddy's horror. We told her she should probably wait awhile to get married and have a baby. Her reply? "OK, I'll wait until I'm older. When I'm 5!"

Also, it took us a very long time and a trip to the toy aisles of Target to discover that "No-No Josus" was General Grievous.

Janelle O said...

My L's question at 4 years old: If God is everywhere, do we step on him when we walk?